


Choosing life

by Lina324B21



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bad Parenting, Bartender Dean Winchester, Boss Castiel (Supernatural), Castiel Comes Out (Supernatural), Castiel Has a Crush on Dean Winchester, Charlie Bradbury Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Coming Out, Cook Benny Lafitte, Dead Mary Winchester, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, F/M, Free Will, Good Older Sibling Michael (Supernatural), John Winchester Being an Asshole, Lawyer Sam Winchester, M/M, POV Castiel (Supernatural), Supportive Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:54:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28195035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lina324B21/pseuds/Lina324B21
Summary: Castiels life always been planed for him.Becoming the boss of his fathers company.Marrying a nice girl.He wasn't always happy with it, but it was okay. It was his life.Until he met a gorgeous greeneyed bartender and learned about everything he missed.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	1. Family Buisness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Company meeting at the Roadhouse turned out to be more interessting than ever before.

One of these days again.  
The we-are-not-just-a-workplace-we-are-family business.   
Going out with the employees. Having dinner together. Talking about the company - dads company. And as his son, there is NO chance for me to call in sick without getting killed by the boss himself.

“It will all be yours, Castiel. You need to be a part of it, as soon as possible, before you´ll take my place in the future”

Yes.   
I will.   
No choice.   
No freedom.   
No free will. 

Take the mighty kingdom little lion, be grateful and never say a bad word about what’s given to you.

The idea of meeting the co-workers outside of the company, wasn´t one of dads. He could never be this understanding with people who weren´t himself. But dad was never a stupid person.  
The regular meetings turned out to be a big enrichment for everyone. 

I always understand it and having them around really wasn´t that bad. The talking was.  
Everything was always about that company. All conversations, at home while breakfast, lunch or anything else. Even innocent little small talks will always end there. That´s the curse for living with your parents at an age of twenty-nine.

“Thirty is the best age to take over the company. Hurry up and find yourself a nice girl, get married and soon you will stand were I’m standing now”

Thank you father. Nothing in this world could make me happier…

So I was sitting with my co-workers in the Roadhouse again. All of them obviously unsure whether the boss son was trust worthy or not. Most of the time I just wanted to say: I´m on your side and I don´t trust him either - but I could understand them, he was my dad, nevertheless.

My father left a while ago. We were safe in that moment, but I was still the enemy and that felt horrible. It was like a part of my father was still with us at the Roadhouse and that thought felt like a heavy fog that laid about everything in the room.

While everyone was talking, except for me of course, I stood up.  
“I´m at the bar”, I said to my favourite person in the whole company and the only one who didn´t suspect me for being evil. Her name was Charlie and she was one of our IT-girls.   
Charlie nodded and I went on. I loosened my tie and took a seat.   
The bar was empty, except for the barkeeper. A gorgeous man with honey blonde hair and the greenest eyes I ever saw in my life. That colour should be illegal.

“Enough of the business talk?”, he asked with a grin. He had a pretty nice voice too.

“Definitely”, I answered and let my head sink to the bar table in front of me.

“Sounds like a lot of fun”, he joked, while drying some glasses.  
He was right, but was I that obvious? How long had he watch for his conclusion?

“Don´t hurt that beautiful head of yours. It just looked like that. Observing is a part of my job. Most of the time I’m doing it without realizing it myself”, he explained without me asking for it. 

“You are right and except for one, they wouldn´t miss me at all”

“And you can’t just leave?”, he asked honestly and threw his dishtowel over his shoulder. I had to admit that movement was kind of hot. 

“Not when your father IS the company. He´s gone now, so I could try it, but he would know and lecture me in the morning”

“So you are Chuck Novaks son” He sounded a little impressed.

“That’s all I am, most of the time. My name is Castiel” He smiled at me. 

“Really nice to meet you, Castiel. What is it with the name?”

“Angel of Thursday”, I muttered.

“Really?”, he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes, my parents are kind of religious”

“Okay, nice. So angel of Thursday, what can I do for you?”

“Got something to erase this evening from my brain or to cheer me up?”, I answered honestly.

“If you asked me, there are many ideas to make an evening worth it, but I think you are talking about   
alcohol”, he said and was it a hint of disappointment in his voice?  
He was not really flirting with me, or was he? My cheeks burned hot like hell.   
If my father would know, we would never return to the Roadhouse ever again and I would be dead and cold like a fish.

“I…I don’t even… don’t know your name”, I stuttered.

“Dean”, he said with a grin.

Two and a half hour later the table which was reserved on my family name was nearly empty. Just Charlie and three other guys were still there.  
I was still at the bar. After an innumerable amount of drinks my legs started to feel weak. My head was heavy and I was happier than I used to be.

“Sometimes your job is pretty hard, isn’t it?”, I asked dizzy. “Strangers who wouldn’t stop talking about their lives and problems”

“Helping people is part of the job. That’s totally fine. Nothing is perfect”

“That’s pretty nice of you”, I said and was already starring in eyes again.   
I couldn’t feel my boundaries anymore. I couldn’t stop talking about everything that came to my mind.   
Yes, there was a lot of alcohol involved, but there was something special with Dean, too. He didn’t seem to judge or at least he didn’t show it. 

That night I went further than I should. Drinking too much. Talking too much. I didn’t even care.  
I went to the bar for one drink, maybe two, getting away from everything that bothers me. Shutting my brain down for a while. What I got was kind of a nightmare, a damn crisis.  
Need help, but don’t want to go to a therapist? Meet a barkeeper. The same work - better looks.

“What about leaving? Pack your bags and leave town? Somewhere far away from here”, Dean suggested after a while.

“It was never in the cards for me. I’ve got a little sister. Her name is Anna. She’s sick. It’s a mental illness. I could never leave her. Building a new life somewhere else would mean leaving her behind, maybe just for a while, but just the thought is always too much for me”  
Dean put another drink in front of me.

“What is it with you?”, I asked him. He just smiled for a moment.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t tell strangers this much about me”

“Don’t feel bad. It’s easier talking to a stranger and I’ve been told, I’m a good listener”

“You are”, I said. It was horrible. I had more problems that I could handle.

“What are you doing on bad days?”, I asked, trying to get the thought out of my head.

“I order pizza, cuddle with my sweetheart and watch a movie, preferable a superhero movie, then most of the problems are chanceless” 

“Pizza and a movie…”, I repeated and ignored the other options. I could not talk with my siblings without worrying them. I didn’t want to know more about the other person he talked about. It was not a big surprise that someone that nice AND beautiful wasn’t alone, but I didn’t need further details.

“Yeah, love me some meatlovers. Than Thor and the best boy on earth…”

“Meatlovers? Really? Not a single vegetable?”

“Oh sorry mom, did not now it was you”, he joked.

“Okay, that’s fair. But does the pizza taste better with a superhero as your company?”

“Everything is better with superheroes”

“Could be true, but I have to admit that I don’t know many superhero movies”

“That’s bad. You have to change that. Me and my partner in crime have seen everything more than once. But to be honest, he has not really a big choice”, Dean said and smiled.

“So you are the one who always choose the movie? Isn’t that a little unfair?”

“I did not know, that I’m being unfair to my dog but maybe you are right and I have to change my bad behaviour”, Dean said with a little laugh.

“You’re talking about your dog”, I said silently and mentally slapped my drunk brain.

“Yeah, I do. What did you…? Oh. You thought about a partner in a romantic way” He finally understand and laughed again.

“Yes, please don’t say it again. I feel stupid enough without it”

“You don’t have to. It was a misunderstanding and you are kind of cute with that red cheeks of yours, angel of Thursday”  
I KNEW my cheeks turn even redder. 

“I think my partner, Miracle is his name by the way, would like you” Dean said and grinned.   
I buried my hand in my arms on the bar table.

I knew that was the exact moment to leave the bar and go home – but I chose to ignore it.


	2. Stranger in a strange land

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing better than waking up after a night drinking your brains out.

I woke up with the evilest headache in a bed that wasn’t mine. I didn’t recognize the whole room. Everything felt strange. I couldn’t remember how I got there, snuggled up alone between unknown sheets with the best - oh please god let my father never find out - manly smell that sheets could have. 

It didn’t take me long to realize that I wasn’t alone at all. Something next to me wiggled under the sheets, way too small to human. I checked it really slow - it could be a murderous monster after all -and met a light brown furball. So no monster just a dog and with seeing that dog, a lot of things came back to me. 

That was not just the dog of a stranger.  
That was Miracle.  
That was Deans dog.  
Dean, the most gorgeous bartender on earth. 

The panic began to rise inside of me. How did I end in a strange bed? How did I end in Deans bed?  
I remembered the drinking. I remembered the talking. And god forbid, I remembered the flirting too.  
But how far did that go? 

“Hey”, I greeted the dog and petted his head. “You must be Miracle”

“I understand Dean, you’re truly a cutie” Miracle looked at me as he heard the familiar name.

“I talked about your daddy, yeah? Do you know why I’m here, Miracle? Do you know what I did with your daddy? Is there something I should know? No. I didn’t. I wouldn’t. Don’t get me wrong, Miracle, your daddy is the most beautiful human on earth but I would never risk my life like this. My dad is not like yours. He would never accept and love me for who I am. So I stopped trying. I am what I should be, that’s it. It’s okay like this. I could not live without my family”  
Miracle just looked at me without changing expressions. 

“You think I’m crazy, aren’t you?”  
The dog didn’t seem to plan rescuing me out of my life. 

“We should go to him, shouldn’t we?”, I asked eventually and petted him once more.  
I put the sheets aside and was shocked again. I was wearing my boxers - nothing else. 

That couldn’t be true! I did not have had sex!

Drunk!

With a stranger!

With a man!

I wouldn’t do that… I never... Not since… 

My clothes lay everywhere on the floor. I found my pants on the end of the bed under the sheets. My undershirt was hanging on a chair next to bed. It was hanging like someone had just threw it there. One shoe was in front of the door, the other one was the half way between the first one and the bed. My shirt was nowhere to be found. It seemed like I lost them on my way to the bed…  
Panic began to rise. What if it was true? And Dean would be silent about it?   
I would lose Anna.   
I would lose everything.   
My whole body was shaking when I put my clothes back on.

Shaky and with the dog close behind me, I left the bedroom. I went through a small hall and walked to the only open door. It was the kitchen. 

“Good morning” Dean said. “I see you met Miracle. I hope he didn’t bother you. He likes to stay in my bed after our walk in the morning. Normally it’s empty at this time”  
I didn’t know what I should say to him. He seemed like nothing had happened. 

I just starred.  
At that beautiful man just in his boxers and a t-shirt.   
A cup of coffee in his hand.   
Miracle jumped to Dean and greeted him, like it was years ago when he last saw him. 

“Hey, good boy! Everything alright? You didn’t scare our guest, didn’t you?” Dean asked the dog while crawling him behind his ears.   
The dog seemed happy, Dean however looked unsure. 

“Hey”, I said silently.

“Hi. You want coffee?” Dean asked. I nodded and he smiled. His behaviour would be really nice… if I could remember anything from last night.  
Dean put his own cup down next to the coffee machine and got another one out of his cupboard. While he filled the cup for me, I just stand there and watched him. 

Deans whole body was covered in freckles - his neck and arms, down to his slightly bowed legs.   
How could someone be this gorgeous?

Dean cleared his throat and held the cup out to me. I felt my cheeks burning and took the coffee cup.   
Everything felt strange. I did not know what to feel… Maybe it would be better with coffee.   
The headache didn’t let me think straight.

The silence was that thick it could have been cut. I knew I had to do something but I really wasn’t good with breaking awkward silences.  
I wished I would know If I should be angry or thankful or afraid… 

Searching for the right words I looked around the room. I found the last piece of my clothes hanging on one of Deans kitchen chairs - and again lost all my sympathy for him.

“You doing this often?” I asked him and tried to be calm.

“What do you mean?”

“Taking drunk strangers home with you? 

“What?” He seemed totally unaffected and that was getting me so much angrier.

“And I’m as story, aren’t I? Castiel Novaks hook-ups with man. The right people would pay you a lot for that. Definitely more than the Roadhouse ever could. There would be nothing left of my life. My dad would kill me”

“You really think that about me? You don’t know me at all!”

“You don’t know me either! Was not a problem for you!”

“You don’t remember anything, don’t you? I slept on the couch! I didn’t touch you! I would never… not without permission… How could you…?” 

“You flirted with me!”

“I wanted to cheer you up. You looked like hell and I just wanted to make you smile. You stayed with me at the bar and talked with me because you wanted to. That was your choice!”

“And you took me home with you!”

“You refused to get in the taxi, I called for you. You said you couldn’t go home like this. You had a discussion with the driver, said you wouldn’t tell your address to a stranger. So I took you with me. Should I have led you alone?”

“Maybe… I wasn’t your problem! Since when did some bartender care about a drunk stranger and his safe way home? You could possibly open up a motel for all that drunks who are too wasted to get home by themselves. But you are a nice guy, right? You are sweet, kind, innocent and took me with you. No problem there”

“I was kind of worried. You seemed like a nice guy with a hard and stressful life. I didn’t want you to get more problems”

“More problems? Like what? Waking up with a stranger? Without knowing where I am?”

“You didn’t wake up with me. I said it before and I will say it again: I slept on my couch. You were perfectly alone in my bed until Miracle joined you in the morning. And you could’ve easily find out where you are by looking out of the window. We’re not out of town”, he explained slowly.

“Should that make me feel better?”

“Yes! Would it be better to let you sleep out there on the street? Or let you go home to your dad who would have screamed at you through the whole night? Because of being drunk, coming home late, making a bad impression or whatever! I just wanted to help you, but you seem to think I wanted to seduce you with all that I have!”

“It looks like it, doesn’t it? I did not wear my pants, shirt or shoes in the morning. I could never have taken that off by my own last night and everything laid everywhere in your bedroom!” 

“What do you think? You were wasted as hell! No one in a condition like yours last night would have neatly fold his damn clothes before going to bed! And your shirt stayed at the Roadhouse with stains of red wine on it, after you ran Jo over last night. You started to get undressed after it happened. That was the moment you need to go to bed” 

That story could never be true! I would remember things like that!

“You have the perfect answer for everything, haven’t you? I don’t understand why you do this. With these shiny forest green eyes of yours you could have everyone you want. Sober. Do you get a kick by doing this? Working at a bar, giving out the exact amount of alcohol, seducing strangers who doesn’t fight back anymore… How do you feel while doing this?”

“Leave” That word was silent, but I understood it totally clear.

“What?”, I asked without thinking.

“Keep that damn cup, just leave”

“Okay. No problem!”, I said loud and placed the coffee cup on the table - and I definitely did it harder than necessary. “I didn’t want to be here in the first place. Thank you for the coffee” I took my suit jacket which was hanging over the chair.

Without another word I left his apartment and closed the door behind me. I stand there for a moment. 

“I should have let you go back to your damn father” I heard him saying.  
There was no angriness in his voice. It was just cold and silent.

For a single moment I thought I heard a sob before I left the stairwell and entered the busy midday street.


	3. About being a monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comin to realization never felt THIS good

The next days went uneventful.  
The next weeks as well. 

Nobody knew - or cared - about the things that happened at the Roadhouse.  
That the boss’ son was so drunk he didn’t know how he ended in the bed of a stranger.  
Not a single person asked me about that evening.  
There was no article in the newspaper about me or my life choices and no dad who dishonoured me.

That meant one thing: not even Dean talked about that night…  
Was I really that wrong? Was he just a nice guy who wanted to help? Was I the asshole in that story?

I tried not to think too hard about it, but failed more than once or twice.  
The hardest punch into my stomach was Charlie. My favourite redheaded IT-girl came into my office the other morning.

“Hey, Castiel, you’re alright?”, she asked and seemed a bit shy. “I’m sorry I left you alone at the Roadhouse that night. I had a business trip the next day and could stay longer. I tried to take you with me, but you refused to come. And I knew that you would be safe there. Ellen wouldn’t hire bad people. And I let Dean, the new bartender, swear to me. That he wouldn’t leave you alone and would help you getting home. I knew I could trust him. He seemed really nice, didn’t he?”, she started bubbling. 

“Yes, thank you, Charlie and don’t worry about it. It’s not your job to safe me”, I answered slowly.

Not yours and definitely not Deans.

Charlie smiled and left.

My brain started to work like a time bomb - with every thought I came closer to the self-hate I already had inside me. That horrible morning… I cursed that horrible morning!  
Dean… he took me with him because of a promise he made. He couldn’t leave me because Charlie made him swear! And I? Couldn’t I just be thankful? 

While I was sinking deeper and deeper into my negative thoughts, my phone ringed.

On the phone was my best friend, who spent the last two months in France and who was back since yesterday. The best friend I forgot because I was too focused in my own stupid problems.

“Balthazar!”, I greeted him happily. It was nice hearing him and he knew the best ways to distract me from my problems.

“Cassie! Bonjour mon ami! You’re good? You have time for the best friend of yours? What do you think? Lunch? What do you think? Roadhouse? You and me?”, he asked.

Hearing my best friend talking about the Roadhouse let my heart sink. I felt horrible remembering the last time I was there. I really didn’t want to meet Dean.  
On the other side… food and distraction was all I needed in that moment.

“Lunch sounds nice”, I answered silently.

“That’s perfect! So Roadhouse? When?”

“In half an hour? Need to be outside as soon as possible. Do we have to go to the Roadhouse?” 

“You don’t want to go to the Roadhouse? You love the Roadhouse! Why don’t you want to go there? It’s the best food in town! Or is something wrong? Did something happen to Benny? Is he sick? Did they have a new cook?”

Why did I think for just one second, I could say no to the Roadhouse without starting a discussion?  
I definitely should have known better…

“No the food is excellent as always”, I answered honestly.

“So why don’t you want to go there?”

Two options: telling the truth and never hearing the end of it or lying and hopefully not meeting Dean today…

“It’s nothing. We can go”, I said after all.

“Sure?”, he asked again.

“I’m sure. Meet you there in half an hour”

“So what happened?”, Balthazar asked, after we shared a long hug - it felt like an hour - and took a seat at a table in a corner of the Roadhouse.

“What do you mean?”, I asked back, while looking past him and to the bar. Dean was there, looking as beautiful as the last time I saw him. He was to the bearded guy who was working at the kitchen.

“What did you do?” Balthazar tried to follow my glace to the bar.

“Today? I was at work and…”

Balthazar interrupted me. 

“No, no, no! That’s not what I mean and you know that. What happened the last time you were here?”, he asked and starred into my eyes. That guy knew me too well.

“Why do you think something happened?”, I asked nervous.

“I know you, darling. Don’t lie to me. You always loved being here, but today you definitely didn’t want to come. So I would assume that something happened at your business meeting a few weeks ago and that’s the reason you didn’t want to be here”

“I want to be here”, I tried to defend myself.

“Yes. To look at that beautiful guy working at the bar?”

“What?”, I asked shocked.

“Oh. Now you look like you run Bambi over with your car”, he said smirking.

“I would never…”, I couldn’t bring that sentence to an end.

“I know. I know. I just caught you, that’s all. You know you can talk to my, Cassie. I’m the only one you can really talk to. So talk. You like him? I have eyes and you are not a nun”

“Balthazar!”, I said, a little bit too loud, while turning red.

“What? He’s hot, okay? Don’t say you’re not thinking the same. I know you. I know there is not a single girl on earth who could convince you otherwise”

“You said, you wouldn’t talk about it!”, I said - panicked, but silent.

“I wouldn’t. Except with you… You were there… oh wait… and me, too. You don’t have to say anything. I saw your reactions, I felt them…”

“Balthazar, please!”

I just wanted to cover my ears and sing a children’s song to myself. 

“Okay, okay. Stop, I understand. But you know, I’m always there for you, if you need me”, he said with a wink and I turned even redder.

Without knowing, Ellen Harvelle, the owner of the Roadhouse, came to my rescue. Balthazars attention left me and I was really relieved. 

“Ellen, darling! Long time, no see! Definitely too long! How are you?”

“We’re all good. France was nice to you?”

“Nice as always”, he said and grinned. “You got yourself a new bartender?”

“Oh, don’t think about it, Balthazar! He’s not a guy for you!”

“Oh really? From my point of view, he’s handsome and I’m sure a wonderful company”, he said and showed one of his predatory smiles. It felt like a punch.

“I mean it, Balthazar. We’re friends. You and I. I like you and I don’t want to change that. Dean is kind of my own and I have one rule you have to follow: hands off of my children. We’re okay?”

Listen to Ellen was kind of scary. She would have killed me too, if she had known what I did to his son.

“Totally, Ellen, totally. No fling in the world is worth losing your friendship”, Balthazar said honestly. 

“Why haven’t I see him before?”

“That’s it. Bad things happened to that boy. He lives with us for a while now, but he spent most of his time inside the house. He started working here a few weeks ago and he fit in well. Don’t get me wrong I’m not motherhenning, but I know he needs a relationship and not just a fling and we both know you’re not a guy for a relationship”

“I’m too much to handle for only one person. But, to be honest, I thought you’re telling me that he’s playing for a team I’m not in”

“There is a team you’re not in?”, Ellen joked. 

“True”, Balthazar said laughing. “But to be fair… I’m not a girl”

“Dean didn’t care. He never did”, Ellen said and was silent for a moment.

“Maybe it was too fast for him… Something happened… He is not happy, he used to be happy working here but now… maybe something happened… I’m sorry. Jo will take your order soon. Always nice to see you, Balthazar and you too, Mr. Novak”

“Thank you, Ellen”, Balthazar said and I forced myself to smile.

Thankfully Balthazar waited until Ellen Harvelle left us and was out of hearing range, before he asked.

“What did you do to poor little Bambi, Castiel?”

“I did not kill Bambi!”

“I see that. He works over there, but his green eyes - and I think that are the greenest green I’ve ever seen in my whole life - are definitely kind of sad. You’re looking at each other or fail terrible trying not to do it. Both of you. Something’s bothering you and I’m sure that he is a part of it”

I did not want to, but I needed to, talk about it. So I did and with every word I said, Balthazars eyes went wider.,

Jo interrupted us, before Balthazar could say something to my story.

“Mr. Novak, nice to see you. I hope you aren’t angry with me. I should have been more carefully. It was my fault that the wine ended on your shirt”, she said and sounded unhappy.

That wine. The wine I didn’t remembered. The wine Dean talked about. The story I didn’t believed.

I told her it was okay and ordered my burger, but it felt like being in a blur.  
Everything was wrong.  
Everything was unrealistic.  
It had to be a nightmare. Just a bad dream, all of it.

Balthazar got me back to earth, after Jo left us.

“You’re okay?”

I couldn’t answer. I could just stare.

“Damn, Cassie, you’re an asshole. I did not know that!”

“Yeah, well… thank you for being my friend”


	4. A start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are days on wich you need to use your words to make things better

The bad feeling that I got at that evening never really left me the days after. Balthazar was right. I was an ass… an assbutt.   
I knew I had to apologize to Dean but I didn’t know how.

Should I go to his workplace?  
Should I visit him at home?  
Should I wait until we see us at the next company meeting?

I went with the last option.

The whole evening at the Roadhouse, I looked to the bar.   
Again and again.   
No Dean. Not even once.

After a while I started to worry.  
Was it just a free evening for Dean?   
Was he sick?  
Or was it my fault that Dean wasn’t there?

My brain went completely elsewhere after that.  
I didn’t care what the people next to me were talking.   
I stopped listening to Charlie a while ago.  
And most of all - I started to realize that my wish to talk to Dean was much bigger than the worry about my father still being at the Roadhouse.

What could go wrong, if I would go to the bar and asked where Dean was?  
My co-workers could think I didn’t like being here with them…   
Or they could think that I have a problem with alcohol…

Charlie touched my arm and took me back into reality.

“Everything okay? You seem unhappy. Are you looking for Dean? I haven’t see him either”

“I think I want to asked at the bar…”, I said silently.

“Go for it”, Charlie said. “You aren’t here anyway”

I nodded and stand up. I didn’t turn around to see who was watching me leave.   
There was that guy, that worked in the kitchen. Benny was his name, Balthazar had said. He was a big guy and looked a bit like a bear. It didn’t matter - there was no turning back.

“Dean is not here”, Benny said without looking.

“What?”

“That’s the reason you’re at the bar. You are searching for Dean. He is not here”

“That’s not… I’m not…” I started to answer, but Benny didn’t let me finish my sentence.

“What are you not? Honest? That’s what I already thought” 

He didn’t seem happy to see me.

“You don’t know me at all” I said silently.

“I DO know you. You are that Novak guy. Famous. Rich. Perfect. You are all the same. Take what you want, don’t care about consequences”

“That’s not true”

“No? So you are not that guy Dean talked with the other night? And I’m sure something happened that night. He isn’t happy since then. He didn’t talk about it, but I know you are the reason for all of this. Even if he would be here now, he wouldn’t talk to you. You hurt him”

“I wanted to apologize…”

“Yeah? And you think this is it?”

“No, but it’s a start”

“Sorry, but your start can’t happen. Not now. Dean’s not here and he isn’t in talking mood. I hope he is making an exception for someone who can bring him food and he isn’t starving to death now”

I knew what I had to do.

“Thank you”, I said and turned around.

As I reached Deans door, I was nervous like never before.  
He obviously didn’t want to see me and I went to his apartment like a creep and stalked him.   
But I was worried and I learned from Dean that you can do simply everything when you get worried, so…

I knocked.  
Nothing happened.   
So I knocked again.

Half a second later, I heard the sound of angry footsteps coming nearer.

“You’re not happy with me and my life, I know that! Just forget about me and we can both live in peace!”

So something was definitely wrong. His eyes looked red and puffy, making the green of them so much more intense.   
But he looked totally horrible. Miracle stand close beside him.

“Cas”, he said surprised. It wasn’t me he did expect.

The sound of my shortened name out of his mouth felt beautiful.

“Hello Dean, my apologies. This is an inconvenient moment, I see. I should leave”

“Why are you here anyway?” He sounded more surprised than mad or angry.

“Because I’m an idiot and I want to apologize. I was just mean. Stupid and unfair. You just wanted to help me and I freaked out. I never met someone like you before. Someone who cares for strangers. You saved me.   
Charlie told me that she let you promise to her that you wouldn’t let me alone in my condition. Jo asked me about my shirt and the wine stains on it - so you never lied to me.   
And I heard Ellen talking about you the other day. Not much and just because of my friend Balthasar who likes to flirt and have sex with everyone who’s beautiful. She wanted to protect you, I’m sure. Because you are not that kind of guy, that goes home with another girl or boy, every evening. I am truly sorry that I thought that about you”

“I was worried and I would do it again. I’m not exactly someone who learns from mistakes”

“And I just want to make clear that I not intend to hurt Bambi”

“And you think I am Bambi in this story, right?”

“I… yes. I mean no… I…”

“Don’t sweat it. I’m just kidding. But Bambi is kind of cute. Do you think I’m cute, too?”

My cheeks definitely turned so red, that they invented a new kind of that colour. 

“I am so sorry. I really shouldn’t be here. I was worried, too. I don’t want to disturb you, but I got you a pizza. So maybe I could cheer you up little bit this time”

“You got me pizza?”, Dean asked surprised.

“Eh yes. Benny said you sounded like you didn’t want to interact with strangers today and I remembered you need pizza to be happy. It’s your favourite with meat and more meat. You can think about what an idiot I am while you eat it. As long as it makes you feel better, I am okay with everything”

“You remembered the pizza”

“I wasn’t that drunk”, I tried to defend myself.

“You really think that?”, he said with a raised brow.

“Okay. You are right. I was that drunk, but I remembered the pizza”

“That’s nice of you”, he said silently. I knew my cheeks turned red again. 

How could everything be so embarrassing around Dean?

“Oh… no… no problem. I will leave you now… You can finally enjoy the pizza and your free night, without me” I said before I could disgrace myself even more.

“I don’t really know what to do with free nights. I think I should watch a movie. Something with superheroes”

Yes, that was what I was thinking.

“You want to join me?”, he asked unsure.

“Don’t you want some of the people you really like around you?”

“My best friend is here”, he said and petted Miracle again. “My best human friend threatened you earlier and he has to work, like the most people I know… and like”

He talked about the cook - Benny.

“Yes Benny didn’t seem to like me. I understand him, but I’m not really reasonable with warnings”

“I see that”, Dean said and smiled a little bit. “Benny just assumed that you were involved in my bad mood. I did not talk about it”

“You can talk about everything you want with your best friend and definitely about that stupid idiot who behaved like an ass towards you without a reason”

“There was a reason for you”

“Kind of, but that doesn’t change that my behaviour was just bad”

“My dad always hoped it was just a phase. I’m a ladys man. I could not become a damn faggot”

He said that word without emotions. I had to work hard not to twitch. 

“I want to say: I don’t care what he thinks, but that’s not true. I wish it was, but it isn’t. He was my hero. I always did what he told me, but he was never a good father. Not after moms’ death”

Dean went silent for a moment and I couldn’t bring myself to break the silence.

“Ellen is right. The time for one night stands is long over. I’m not searching for anything and I’m sure it wouldn’t be a good idea in this case. Not for nothing, but I didn’t need to run after a man, who is deeper in the closet than my Taylor CD collection while my brother is visiting”

“Do you mean Taylor Swift?”, I asked surprised. I tried not to think about the other things he just said.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”, he said smiling. “So? You want to join me?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I’m all in for a second chance. I just want to know one thing”

“Everything” I said a bit too fast.

“Do you know there is a bell next to my door?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I let you wait so long... work got me.  
> Now enjoy :)

**Author's Note:**

> First fic I write in english and the first one I post.  
> Feel free to tell me about spelling/time mistakes or keep them to you, it's your choice.  
> Hope to hear from you in the comments :)


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